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"Imagine this friend three hours from now when they’ll be puking all over their nice birthday outfit. They won’t even have had their cake yet and all of their friends will be FREAKING. OUT. Someone who’s only medium-drunk will have to take them home and leave them on their bed half-naked with Doritos in their hair." - Ryan O’ Connell

Liquor makes it quicker: Note to all affluent, college-educated, single, white, gay males with hot bodies from New Hampshire who work in the arts, frequent Washington D.C. and enjoy socializing with Ugandans and pregnant Danish women. According to Anneli Rufus, you’re all pretty much alcoholics!

Below are “15 stats that predict your propensity to imbibe” into some liquid courage. Also, click here to see the 40 drunkest cities.

1.) Men drink 11.1% more than women.

2.) New Hampshire residents consume 89% more beer than New Yorkers do.

3.) Ugandans drink 97,250% more alcohol than Pakastanis.

4.) The rich out-drink the poor by 27.4%.

5.) Almost twice as much wine is consumed in Washington, D.C., as in California.

6.) Caucasians drink 13.9% more than African-Americans.

7.) College graduates are nearly twice as likely to drink as are people who didn’t finish high school.

8.) People employed in the arts and the leisure and hospitality industries are nearly three times as likely to be “problem drinkers” as those employed in education, social services and health-care.

9.) Gay people drink 16% more than straight people.

10.) American college students participating in study abroad programs drink twice as much as they did before going abroad.

11.) The women of Denmark, Belarus and Luxembourg drink far more than women in Egypt, Cambodia and Fiji.

12.) The number of American women who binge-drink during the first trimester of their pregnancies has nearly doubled in recent years.

13.) Members of cohabitating couples are 11.2% more likely than married people to have had five more drinks in a single day at least once in the past year.

14.) College students who are both athletes and members of fraternities or sororities drink over three times as much as college students who are neither athletes nor part of the Greek system.

15.) Malt liquor drinkers drink 45% more than hard-liquor drinkers.

What does alcohol actually do once it enters your body and infiltrates your brain? Jezebel’s Kevin Purdy investigates this daunting question.

Below are some interesting facts to possibly decrease your chances of becoming an alcoholic (and you know who you are!):

1.) Alcohol works differently on full stomachs, young women, Asians and aspirin-takers.

2.) Alcohol intake kind of, sort of, extends your life (depending on intake).

3.) Alcohol doesn’t kill brain cells, but does inhibit them.

4.) Alcohol inhibits sex.

5.) Alcohol is pretty effective at inhibiting memory.

6.) Alcohol makes people seem more “intentional”.

7.) Alcohol is a terrible sleeping aid…meaning “nightcaps” are a sham!

Read on…you’ll never drink again.

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